Anyway, I have been sending my mum brief, yet informative emails to deflect the phonecall of panic when she has not heard from me. The first one contained basically only my photo -taken on the webcam two seconds previously. The second was a little more exciting - made a joke at least. Anyway, my mum picks up on my sense of obligation and sends back this:
--Don't stress my darling by thinking that you need to apease me by sending me emails all the time. I will always let you know when I feel you are out of line by not contacting me.--
Out of line on communication. And so I get into trouble by avoiding trouble. FOR FUCK. Actually it made me laugh.
Anyway, I am feeling a little like I am coming down with something. Either it is PMS or I am coming down with something. Being that the end is near, and I am about to start killing small children, it could be that I am coming down with something. My sobriety is looking like a bad decision. Actually I have been thinking a lot about whether or not I am going to drink at the party coming up. I feel so great having not drunk a single lick of alcohol in over 3months, but I also remember how good it is to get drunk - what a release, what fun. The craving is creeping in. More meditiation. I reckon I'l spend most of the party meditating about whether or not I will drink. Of course I am over thinking it and then I will panic and drink to prove I am not over thinking it and I can make rational quick decisions except that that will be a lie.
Enough... tofu and beetroot dinner is over... time for metadata.
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