OH GOD

I am discovering a pattern of behaviour about myself. Its intriguing as well as horrible, because as objective as I am, I am still trapped inside it. Moving. I am leaving Melbourne. I stopped sleeping properly when exams finished and have worked my hysteria up to only sleeping 5 hours a night and waking up like I have already had that line of speed. I am at critical point panic stations with no turning back. I am living it. OH GOD.

The perception shift from being to leaving is incredible. I have been noticing all the details of Melbourne and remembering what it was like when I first arrived, just over 6 years ago. I am crippled with panic, but it is not manifesting itself as the whirlwind of brain function as per usual: where I cannot stop thinking about what it is that I have to do and I am making constant mental lists. This is different. This is where you are whipped into a frenzy where energy overload goes into hyperdrive and you make mistakes because you have not been watching everything go by and this means that you panic knowing that you will make mistakes and then this adds to the frenzy.

I cant write anymore. I think I am about to have an aneurism.