I lied

In fact I do have some stories to tell. Work stories. I am excited about being able to tell work stories again. GOD I love how stupid people are.
First story is about a customer who came in last Monday ans asked if I was going to give him the Monday discount. Of course I do not have a freaking clue as to whether there is any dumb discounts at my new place of work and having fallen into many a trap of assuming my workplace was not stupid I decided to play the innocent card and refer the question to someone else. However this someone else seemed equally as unsure, which is probably a reaction to the audacity and complete stupidity of the question. The answer was finally given as as a resounding NO. So this gave dumb customer the opportunity to raise a very important issue regarding why I did not get down on my hands and knees and give him a blow job with his purchase. Why did we not reward loyal customers? The answer of course is that his penis is too small to do anything with, but we told him that we are an independent bookstore and if he spent over $1000 in a year then he would be entitled to a discount. He did not answer as to whether he spent this much money but he did deftly move the conversation onto how Barnes & Noble give a 20% discount. Despite informing stupid, small penis man that B&N is the biggest bookshop chain in the world and can afford discounts, he kept saying that we should do what they do. His last and most inspired comment was then to say that our bookshop should be buying books from B&N and then passing the saving onto the customer. What can be said to this? Only one thing: FUCK OFF. I stopped talking and gave stupid, small penis man one of my favourite looks of contempt.
Another story comes from last night's 3.5 hours shift in which I am allowed to sit down for 5 minutes, even though we are not officially entitled to it. The circumstances of why this is strange is because just before I went on my break I was talking to another workmate about how he gets 10minutes and I only get 5minutes. I knew he was talking out his small child bottom (he is 18 I think), but I do not care. I went on my break, coming out 1 minute early cos I had to wait for a workmate to finish using the bathroom. I quickly dashed in when she came out and unfortunately this put me, in real terms, 1 minute over time and in clock time, 3 mins over time. Now considering that the break is only 5 minutes and that I can go to the toilet at any time and am not saving it up for the 5 minute break, I think this is quite strange. However, yesterday was quite a strange day for me anyway - you know one of those days where you are all anal about every detail in the world. For me it was PMS, I wonder what my boss' excuse was?