ho hum

I seem to be yawning all the time and addicted to allergy tablets. I do not know what is going on with the moon and the stars, but I am not sleeping, sometimes at all, sometimes not well. My assignment is half done as of today. Actually probably just less than half done as I will need to edit it at least twice before the final submission.

I am applying for a scholarship to study a research degree at Monash next year. I believe my chances are higher than nil, but lower than good. I am not sure if I mentioned my interview for the graduate position at National Library in Canberra for 2008, but I had a first interview and have not heard back.

I forgot in my apparent new found belief that I am smart (just because I work hard doesn't mean I am smart) that I am the one who always comes in third. Just not quite there - ever. I used to joke about this phenomenon years ago when it seemed like the saddest weakest joke ever, but then I came to think it was because I did not try hard enough, that I did not have that ambitious edge that makes people stand out. You know the cliche - I didn't want it enough.

But now I want it and I think of all of those lessons from my friend Patrick who did me no real favours in having met him at all, and I wonder if wanting it enough is really enough at all. But I guess the key is that I care, a lot. If I don't get something out of all of this hard work then I will crumble. I always rested on the edge and I thought I had put a foot down on terra firma, but it seems that this, as all things, including Patrick, is an illusion.